Sunday, September 14, 2008

Please tell me I'm crazy

Poppets, your mission for this day, should you choose to accept it, is to tell me that I'm mad as a hatter. A few sandwiches shy of a picnic, that I have finally, after putting up a heckuva fight, lost my tenuous grip on the last vestiges of my sanity. If you could do that for me, I would appreciate it, because I have managed to freak myself completely out.

I have always thought that my son was too good to be true. Always. After what I went through to get pregnant with him when he was finally here I couldn't believe my fortune. When he turned out to be the easiest baby ever, I was elated. After failing my first three children in every way imaginable, and having to live with that guilt, I thought surely that this chance to redeem myself was just to good to be true. When he practically weaned and potty trained himself, taught himself how to get dressed, and was just generally the best kid ever, I couldn't believe my luck. I know I'm making him sound like the second coming but he's just that great. I could go on for pages about his accomplishments, how smart he is, blah blah blah, but couldn't we all? My point is I've never felt that I deserved him, and I've been waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me for five years. Because the rug always get pulled, or at least bunched up enough to trip me.

Would you please tell me that these two pictures look nothing alike? Pretty please? Because the first picture is of a little girl with retinoblastoma, which is a cancer of the eye. It was found because of that reflection in the picture.

Can you see why I'm freaking out? I can assure you that we'll be at the pediatricians office when they open in the morning, but maybe you guys can help me at least sleep tonight. Of course, that'll be after Dr. Google has his way with me.


Immoral Matriarch said...

It's nothing. Nothing at all.

Anonymous said...

Doctor. Immediately. Try not to worry, I know I just wasted my time typing that, as mothers, we worry. But just to be safe, have it checked out. Let us know! BTW, son is a doll, going to be a heartbreaker when he grows up!

Madness said...

as a mother i am freaking out as well ... i dont know what to think.
please let us know what they say.. and please remember that it is our job as parents to DEMAND that every test be ordered and carried out and refuse a 'wait and see' attitude, k?

moo said...

see the first photo? She's looking directly into the camera. The left eye (her right eye, actually, but on the left to us) is reflecting the normal "red eye" phenonemon that you would see when the camera flashes, while the right eye (her left) is the one with the cancer.

now look at your son's photo. He's not looking directly into the flash. So it *could* just be the reflection of the red eye. I get this sometimes when I take a picture at a bad angle.

but it's NEVER a bad idea to get your kid's eyes checked. Start with the pedi and get a recommendation for a good kids' opthamologist. Although I can say with 98% certainty it is nothing, it is always good to get checked out.

you're doing great, mom.

Dingo said...

The only way you are going to feel better is if you get it checked out. AND STOP GOOGLING! I love Dr. Google but he makes me feel as if I have every disease I ever search. Yes, I'm sure that at one point I thought I had prostate cancer. So, step away from the computer. Let us know how the appointment goes. I'm not going to tell you not to worry because I know you are.

Dingo said...

I meant: "I know you are going to worry anyway."

Twisting Ivy said...

Oh dear.

I think Moo has an excellent explanation. But it's always better to know for sure isn't it?

Go see the doctor and get an appt with an eye specialist, and keep us posted.


CelticBuffy said...

I'm hoping it's just an odd angle of reflectio Everyone else has given great advice so I'm just sending you good vibes and well wishes.


Kate said...

Stay away from Dr. Google. Seriously. Go to the doctor and get your peace of mind, my friend.

Ree said...

I won't tell you not to worry - because that would be stupid. I'm not going to tell you you're crazy - because you're not. What I am going to tell you is to step back from Dr. Google, take a really, really deep breath, and drink some warm milk before bed tonight.

I just finished reading a blogger who was convinced she had a brain tumor - and it ended up a sinus infection.

Just get him checked out and then let us know so we can ALL sleep better. XXOO

Madness said...

I thought of you when I woke this morning but didnt have time to log on before work .. I thought of you all day ... rushed home to check your blog. Im hoping you will update us soon .. youre in my prayers

carrie said...

I'm sure it's nothing . . . but I would be the exact same way.


Vanessa said...

Sending lots of good energy your way. It's got to just be a bad angle on the camera causing a wonky reflection. He's fine. Really fine. You totally deserve this child and I know you are a fantastic mother to him. We can't change the past, but we don't have to be punished by it either. So let us know what the doc says? Soon?