Sunday, May 4, 2008

The Circus, Part Deux

Circus time finally arrived, after repeated cries of "is it time to go?" all day. Piglet left the field in the middle of his t-ball game to ask if it was time to go yet. Finally, 6:00. We drive 30 minutes to Winchester, park at the mall, and get into a line approximately one quarter to one half a mile long. I know it's supposedly the largest show in the world under the bigtop, but come on! I immediately upgraded our tickets to VIP, lest we have to sit up with the acrobats.


After a delightful forty five minutes in line, I see my former new husband. He's not as nearly as dashing or european without the scarf. He tries to lure me with treats:



When that doesn't work, he tries the sexy pose:



Alas, Piglet has picked out a new daddy:



But, being the picky ho that I am, I leave him for Reynaldo:





Seriously, anyone want to go halfsies on a circus? I am talking money machine.

$44 to get in, and that's with Piglet being free.

$5 popcorn

$5 cold, half raw hot dog that was immediately trashed

$5 small cup soda (flat)

$10!! funnel cake

$15 stoopid light up gun that's driving me insane



Potential business partners, please e-mail me.

Friday, May 2, 2008

It's a circus around here!

Piglet and I went to the raising of the circus bigtop this morning at the ungodly hour of 7:00.
He rode a pony:



Got his face painted:


And I met my new husband:


He's very European and stylish. Unfortunately, he has a significant other:


So we are sad:


We go home and distract ourselves with mindless computer drivel to mend our broken heart.


The actual circus is tomorrow. Our heads may very well explode before then.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Maybe it should say "INbred"




Do you see the blurry "I" there? Yesterday it was an "E". Yep, that car sat there for two weeks with "HYBRED" written on the windscreen. I go back to take the pic and someone fixed it.
Such is my luck.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Here's your sign

I've been consumed by spring cleaning. I've carried more dirt out of this house than I can fathom. When I cleared the walls for washing, I noticed a peculiar thing. I've got a bazillion signs all over my house. When did this happen? How did it happen? I know I must've purchased and hung these signs and plaques, but, really, how did so many accumulate? And why didn't someone point this out and stop me? Believe me, nobody hesitates to point out any other flaws I have. Here are a few of the messages I felt it necessary, at some point, to display in my home.

I included bird man just because he rocks.


The next five are outside of the kitchen door:





This says "If you can read this you are overeducated"







These two are in the kitchen:

See my funky tie-dyed glitter hippy fabric on the nook ceiling?





The great room:
(otherwise known as the living room when I'm not being pretentious)


This one's actually in the hall outside of the loo. (Thank you, captain obvious)










Piglets room
Our bedroom:
Now, poppets. What conclusions would you come to about a person if the only thing you knew about them was displayed on signs around their house? I just wonder what these say about me. Are they reminders to myself? or declarations of my beliefs to those who visit?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Why I asked for a divorce on my honeymoon

When my husband proposed to me, he did absolutely everything right. He took me to the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC. He rented the most luxurious suite at the Biltmore Inn for the weekend. He arranged a picnic lunch by the bass pond with the most wonderful view of the conservatory and gardens. And he was so nervous I thought he'd pass out.
He proposed on my birthday, a Saturday. We decided to marry one year later, again on my birthday, but a Sunday. It took every day of that entire year to plan our wedding and honeymoon. We had a gorgeous wedding at a local historical mansion, complete with horse drawn carriage and a flutist and harpist playing Pachebel's Canon.
Our honeymoon was to be the trip of a lifetime. We were to fly out of Dulles Airport into Heathrow. The plan was to spend one week in England, one week in Scotland, and one week as a cushion in case we wanted to stay longer or go to France. I was looking more forward to the trip than the wedding. The wedding was really more for our families. Don't misunderstand, it was beautiful and flawless, but the trip, that was for us, and only us.
Two weeks in Europe! A dream come true. I had been before, but I was fresh out of high school and didn't make it out of London because that's where the parties were. My shiny new husband had never been farther than Florida. He chickened out on me two days before the wedding. Not the getting married part, the flying to Europe part. To say I was disappointed would be the understatement of the century. To say I handled my disappointment with grace and humor would be an outright lie. I ranted. I raved. I said horrible things that I was later sorry for. Frankly, after the way I went on, I'm surprised he didn't back out of the wedding, too. But I still, ten years later, feel that I was justified. I put a lot of time and effort into planning the trip. I was very much looking forward to going. And he took it away from me because of his fear to fly. I was angry and resentful, but in the interest of our wedding, I put it aside for later inspection.
Our honeymoon actually turned out to be quite wonderful. It wasn't the trip I had planned but there was something freeing about not having an itinerary or a schedule. We hopped into a rental car on Monday afternoon and headed north. We ended up in Niagara Falls, of all places. How trite, but thoroughly enjoyable. From there, we went through Canada to Bar Harbor, Maine. Then we took the catamaran to Nova Scotia, and eventually made our way home. We had no plans, no reservations, no destination. And we had a great time.
Upon our return home, still feeling a bit stung that I didn't get my way, and feeling just a wee bit entitled, I took the money we had left over and bought myself a little bling.





I've worn this ring on my right hand everyday since our honeymoon. It reminds me that it doesn't always have to be about me, that if I give other ideas a chance, they just might be as good as, or (gasp!) better, than mine. It also reminds me that it's ok to be nice to myself. I think that a lot of us put ourselves last most of the time. And I'm glad I put myself first long enough to buy a beautiful reminder of a lovely time.

Monday, April 21, 2008

A River Runs Through It

How high's the water, mama?
Two feet high and risin'
How high's the water, papa?
Two feet high and risin'
We can make it to the road in a homemade boat
That's the only thing we got left that'll float
It's already over all the wheat and the oats,
Two feet high and risin'

Johnny Cash
Five Feet High and Risin'

Happy Monday. Can you guess what I awoke to from the title? Yep. A flooded basement. We've had torrential rains since Saturday night. While the rain would ease up a bit to a steady downpour, it's mostly been extremely heavy, can't see through it, raining sideways kind of rain. Because the water came into the house from outside, homeowners insurance will not cover the damages. If a pipe had burst in the house and flooded the basement, it would have been covered. If I had flood insurance it would have been covered. But I don't have flood insurance because? That's right, I live on a MOUNTAIN!! NOT in a flood plain. Grrrrrr



See the debris about one foot up the wall? That's how high the water was. No, I don't know where that curtain rod floated in from.



So, 180 wet vacced gallons later, I'm wondering how to dry out a floor when it's still raining out.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

My first whupping

Yvonne, at joyunexpected wrote a post about the last time she got a whipping from her dad. I had a cute little linky all ready to go, but the post is gone! I haven't quite figured out why because I thought it was well written and interesting AND I was inspired to share the story of my first and only experience with corporal punishment.
My family all lived on the same road within one mile of each other. I had paternal grandparents down the hill to the east, our house in the middle, and maternal grandparents three houses to the west. I had the type of childhood where we were set out of the house in the morning and told to be home by dinner. Where we were and what we did in between only came into question if criminal acts were witnessed or blood was shed.
My aunt is only eighteen months older than I am, so we grew up more like sisters. We spent a good deal of time exploring the woods around our houses, hanging out in the store where sometimes your bottle of chocolate pop had a dime in the cap! and generally just being kids. Now my father had a very precise version of how children were to be raised. I don't think he did this consciously, but its just the way it turned out. He has never raised his hand or even his voice to either of his children and he didn't expect anyone else to either.
My aunt and I, being around 6 and 8, couldn't find anything to get into one hot summer day. We had run through the sprinkler, had a squirt bottle fight, and watched the Flintstone's. We were at a loss. While aimlessly roaming through the house, we happened upon my grandfather's shaving cream. Two cans! One for each of us. At least we went outside to the front yard before having our shaving cream fight (we seemed to have a lot of fights, real and pretend). To this day, I still don't know what it was about that simple act of childhood that angered my grandfather so. We were scampering around the yard, covered in shaving cream and quite delighted with ourselves when he came home. He came thundering across the yard and snatched us up by the arms. He drug us into the house and put us on the sofa. Then he took off his belt. He hadn't spoken yet.
He whipped my aunt first, then me. With a belt. Two inches wide, black leather, well worn, silver buckle. I will never forget that belt. I can honestly say that I have forgotten the pain. I'm sure it hurt because we sobbed for hours, huddled on the sofa, legs and hineys stinging. But I think perhaps our hearts were in more pain than our asses. We still didn't know what we had done wrong.
My grandmother came home from work and found us like that. She gathered herself up to her full height of 4'8" and she took her 90 lb. self into the kitchen where she proceeded to administer said belt to the back of her husband. She got in two good licks before he took it, all the while laughing at her (which just made her madder) and telling her that a good whupping never hurt no children. Now, my grandfather was a gentle man who never raised a hand to his wife during their entire 40 year marriage. Her fury amused him. He just didn't see what the big deal was. We did something wrong (in his opinion) and he punished us.
Needless to say, my father did see what the big deal was. As kids are wont to do, we got over it and moved on to other activities for the rest of the afternoon. Then it was time to go home. I wandered home for dinner. When I climbed into my chair at the table, my father saw me wince. He asked what was wrong. I told him that Popo had whipped us with his belt because we used up all of his shaving cream. He checked my backside and legs and the welts he saw there put clouds in his eyes that I had never seen before. He very quietly told Mother that he would be back shortly. I wasn't witness to the rest of this story, but it has been told many times.
My father is not a large man. 5'9", 180. My grandfather was a very large man, topping out at 6'4", 280. My father did not hesitate nor waver. Someone had harmed his child and that simply could not be tolerated. To my grandfathers' credit, he didn't try to defend himself. He took his punch like a man and then apologized for whipping me. He apologized to my father, but not to me, or his daughter. But he never physically punished either of us again.
It wasn't the end of the world, getting whipped. I'm sure I would have a different opinion if it had happened frequently. As it was, it happened, and I didn't die from it. But I still don't like the smell of certain shaving creams.