Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Death of the Jaguar

It is with much sadness that I report that the jag has finally given up the ghost. The diagnosis? Transmission failure. The car was running fine when I parked it. I got in it to leave, put it in drive and nothing. Which is unusual, because transmissions don't just go bad sitting still. Unless it's a jag. Apparently.

I've managed to insult my mechanic (evidently I don't take the news of several thousand dollar repair bills very well), I've pissed off (better than pissed on, I always say) the second opinion mechanic I towed the damn thing to and some random guy who answers questions on the internet mechanics forum. Three for three - I'm on a roll! With much wailing and gnashing of teefs, some kicking and a bit of screaming, I have accepted that it is, indeed, the tranny. The upside is that I can honestly say that I've blown a tranny this week. Too bad it wasn't Eddie Izzard.

Let's recap, shall we?

June 09. Scene: me, standing at car auction, looking to buy something to replace the expedition. Cash in my hot little hand. Need something practical, that will go in snow and over rough roads. Auctioneer brings through the jag. I take one look, say "ooh, SHINY", throw all my money at the guy and drive away grinning like an idiot.

August 09. Scene: me at the jag dealer holding a printout of all the sensors, parts and various sundry things wrong with car. No longer grinning.

October 09. Car overheats, gets towed, has thermostat replaced, needs million dollar overflow tank. Still overheats, needs fan assembly replaced for additional million dollars. Frowning commences.

November and December are deceptively problem free. Tentative grinning is resumed. Grinning is soon replaced by the ugly cry as I realize that there is no way under the sun that I can afford to fix this car. And even if I could, I wouldn't because it would just be something else next week. If I had done my research properly in the first place, I never would have bought it. I was dazzled! Hoodwinked by her beauty! Taken in by her curves and smooth ride. (contrary to the previous sentence, this is not a p0rn blog) While I lovedlovedloved that car, if anyone asked me for a recommendation, I would suggest running away as fast as possible. Unless you have an unlimited supply of money and an import mechanic living with you.

Since I still haven't reached a settlement with F0rd for the expedition, I have to find some transportation that fits into my budget of $0. Stay tuned for the next episode of 'As the wheels don't turn'.

2010? You are NOT off to an auspicious start. Step it up.


ree said...

Oh, man. I am grieving with you. GRIEVING over here.

Too bad you don't live closer, I have a 1995 Ford F150 sitting in the driveway I'd let you use.

Candy said...

That's just tragic. And she is indeed beautiful. But beauty fades, my friend. Buy a Hyundai.

Slyde said...

sorry for your loss :(

Jocelyn said...

Ah, crap. At least you're honest about how your head was turned by its flirtatious ways.

But how to get a car for no money? Hmmmm.

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Jennifer H said...

My condolences about the car, but I laughed out loud at your Eddie Izzard comment. Funniest thing I've read lately. :)

SugarBritches said...

Oh lord I am so behind. Poor poor Jag.

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