I've taken myself off of my
I think I was on the prozac out of sheer laziness. Truly, I do. It is so much easier to take a pill than to actually think about how I'm feeling and my reactions to situations. I understand that people need the medicine and can't live a quality life without it. But I think I was taking it to avoid having to deal with any emotion other than oooh, pretty!. When I read blogs from people who go to therapy every week and actually work through their issues, I am so filled with envy. That they can do that incredibly hard work, lay themselves open to inspection (even from themselves) and learn from it inspires me.
I've started with a bit of introspection meself. So far, I have realized the following:
I am lazy. I didn't used to be, but I have always tried to find the easiest way to get the result I wanted. Now I'm just 'the hell with it' or my favorite standby, 'who cares?'.
I am mean. I think I always have been, but have been too polite to let my true light shine. In my dotage, I let her rip. Viciously, with no holds barred, to the detriment of anyone around me. But honestly, some people just need to be told.
I have a huge sense of entitlement. I deserve whatever I want, whether I worked for it, can afford it, or need it.
In the tiny little dark part of my brain that I try not to let out often, I think I'm better than some people because I'm educated. Sad, but true. Even sadder? No one in my immediate family is educated.
I'm not all bad. I love with my whole heart. I'll do anything to help you. I try to anticipate anything that might make your journey easier and provide it.
When I took my little sojourn to the ocean to ponder life's mysteries, one of the decisions I made was to try the summer without medication. To take life on armed with only my wits (sad weaponry at best) and intelligence (slightly better, still lacking). I need to know that I can be nice and personable and normal by being willing to work on it and making a decision when I wake up in the morning to appreciate the day instead of choosing to stomp around in a huff snarking at everything that breathes too loud.
So far, so good.