Thursday, October 2, 2008

A Tragedy of Unspeakable Horror

Not really. I'm very dramatic. But it was tragic, none the less.



Would you consider this the face of a vicious killer? A terrible monster capable of horrendous acts? No? Neither did I. Until this:

(pretend there is a picture of a horribly mangled and dismembered laptop cord here. Humor me, the picture won't load)

Yes. That is the power cord to my laptop. Otherwise known as my lifeline. My connection to the internetz. And it died a horrible and lonely death in the jaws of that beast. *sniff* It was so young. So innocent. So much life left in it. I was trying to be nice and kind and help a poor scared puppy and it was sacrificed in the face of my selflessness. It was a very stormy night. Yes, thunderstorms in October, I know. The pup was scared senseless in her crate, so out of the kindness of my heart I let her sleep in the bedroom.

I'm passed out from xanax sleeping soundly when I hear this cacophonous yelping and whimpering. I jump out of bed to see the dog with my power cord hanging out of her jaws, getting herself a good shock. I debated letting her keep getting shocked for a while, but I thought that might fry my laptop, which was hooked up and charging. So I pulled the plug, and the pup disappeared under the bed. Smart move on her part. She knows I'm too old and fat to go under there after her, so I contented myself with stomping around grousing about how I'm certainly not paying $150 for a new cord because it wasn't my stupid dog that ate this one and somebody best be ordering me a new one toot suite.

After f-f-f-four d-d-days without my sweet elixir of life I'm so far into withdrawal I'm imagining bugs under my skin and hallucinating the UPS guy on the porch. When he finally did show up, I practically attacked him. And hot as he is, all I wanted was his package. Not that package, freak, my cord. So now I have it and all is right with the world once again. Me and my internetz are together and we all lived happily ever after. The end.

ps. this post about the Dude wrecking the car? Absolute truth, swear to Dog. Will send pictures of scars if requested.

12 comments:

Tamara said...

You are hilarious. Glad you're back on the intertubes ;-)

Ree said...

Oh, yay! Wondered where you disappeared to.

Dogs. There's a reason they're "MAN'S" best friend. ;-)

Kate said...

My cats have tried to chew on the thing and get kicked across the room.

Well, I don't kick them, but I want to.

kwoneshe2 said...

LOL I was wondering where you had went. Glad you're back. Dogs!

Dingo said...

All I wanted was his package Hee! Yes, sometimes I act like I'm 12.

Twisting Ivy said...

Lol, you're back and you made me laugh. =)

My cat tries to chew my power cords for my cell and PDA all the time, the twit... one of these days she's gonna get a shock, and I'm going to be choked! =)

the cubicle's backporch said...

Our dog chewed a phone charger cord once. She wouldn't even go near the area where it happened b/c she got shocked and it scared the crap out of her! hee hee.

Candy said...

OK. I already told you what I think of the title of this post.

That said, welcome to my world. Chloe ate my last checkbook yesterday. So I'm not answering the phone until I get my new ones. Because there are some really unhappy creditors out there.

Vanessa said...

Glad you are back in the light. A title line like that gets everyone worried. Hopefully the little furkid learned her lesson.

kittyconcerto.com said...

My cats did this once. Well once to mine and once to my hubs. And since their are four sneaky furry bastards in our house, we can't even identify the culprit.

Glad your back!

Madness said...

Pictures are hereby formally requested..but not because I dont believe you.. just because I dig a good yuckie scar pic. Glad youre back.. WAY loved this post!! Silly Puppy.. thank GAWD the power cord didnt fry.
DONT get excited .. DONT throw out your Xanax.. Madness isnt totally back to life just yet .. Comcast STILL SUCKS BIG DICK and my PC internet, Playstation internet and PHONE internet are not yet living in perfect harmony ... ... ... ... get me more vodka .. STAT!
Love
Madness
The ONLY thing keeping Madness from becoming the ONE who blew Comcast into tiny bits is the fact that she also has digital cable again so .. John and Kate Plus Eight are saving human kind as we know it. Although at this moment Madness is SKIPPING an all new episode of John and Kate Plus Eight because the PC is online for an OH SO RARE appearance and .. OH LOOK A KITTY! ...

Being Brazen said...

HA HA HA HA HA !!!!