Friday, August 29, 2008

The most dangerous chemical in the world

Silas will be five next week. What is it with five that makes an adorable, sweet little tyke turn into a fit throwing, door slamming, pseudo-swearing little tyrant? After being made to finish his chores (which involved much wailing and gnashing of teeth), I went with him up (it's all up here on the mountain) to his swingset. He's recently learned to swing under his own power and, as with any new skill, wants to do it constantly. Since it's just not as much fun without an appreciative audience, I must go along and provide a running commentary about height achieved, speed reached, and how no one else, EVAR, in the history of the world has swung so high or so fast.
We have cushioned the playground with a very thick layer of finely shredded mulch. When he tumbles from the overhead ladder (and he will), we prefer he land on some cushioning. Because his parents are owners of real excavating equipment (loaders, backhoes, dozers, etc), Silas is the proud possessor of quite a fleet of Tonka dump trucks and equipment. Bear with me, I'm going somewhere with all of this drivel, I promise.
Anydigger, after the swing session is over, he starts to play with his loader and dumptruck. He's happily scooping mulch, hauling it around a little road he's carved and dumping it in the truck. He asks if I'll play with him. Um, no. No, I won't. Firstly, mama don't do crawling around in the wet mulch. Secondly, who would hold my coffee? Thirdly, it's hot, buggy and I'm outside. That's all your getting. So I tell him that I'm the supervisor. That I'm here to make sure he does his work right and to make sure he doesn't slack off. He scoops two more times, looks at me and says "you gonna pretend you a mister? Misters gotta be the bosses."
What?the?fuck??? Did my son, who has spent his ENTIRE life being hauled around to construction sites by his mother, (who is the boss) just tell me that the bosses had to be misters? Where did this notion come from? How did it get into his head? He doesn't watch television other than Spongebob (because I like it, shut up) and I don't read him fairytales where the prince saves the damsel and I even explained that Mary Jane is a useless waste of skin because all she does is sit around and WAH WAH WAH Save me Spidey and still, he has this notion.
He doesn't watch violent movies yet he will take a stick and wage war with it, whether it be a sword, a rifle, or, in one particularly imaginative instance, tied a balloon to it and made a mace. He will take his dolls, or "action figures" which are dolls for boys but good lord don't call them that, and they will beat the hell out of each other. This from a child who has never been struck in his life. Nor has he ever seen anyone struck. This violence, this hardness, this boyness. It's the testosterone. The cause of world wars, schoolyard fights and everything in between. The most dangerous chemical in the world.


Twisting Ivy said...

I so hear you...

I never had terrible two's with my little guy. He was a perfect little angel til the Fearsome Fours set in.

And now... he's finally starting to see reason again. 3 YEARS LATER... lol

And the violent playing! Ack!! I'm glad I'm not the only parent who's boy has come up with this without outside influence, it must be the testosterone.

Lynette said...

Oh yeah...and don't forget all the things they are going to get into because their friends all thought it was a good idea.

Whoo boy, are you in for a treat!

Vanessa said...

I say educate the crap outta the little guy that women are equals in the world. He'll see the light!

Kate said...

Wow. And people preach nurture vs. Nature. It's a crock of shit. The nature is in them. And I don't believe for a minute we have to beat it out of them, we come to terms with it and then give them the tools to change it. Otherwise, how will it ever end?

Ree said...

I agree. Absolutely. My nephews haven't been allowed any kind of "violent" toys and yet they're the most violent kids I know.

jen @ the cubicle's backporch said...

That's crazy. My mom always said that if she would've had boys first she never would've had 8 kids. hee hee. And I agree with lynette, don't forget about all the things they'll get into b/c their friends think it's a good idea! :)