Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the news

I went to a psychiatrist last week. I talked to him for an hour. During that hour he never asked me if I felt suicidal. I didn't volunteer the information.

He did diagnose me with depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He explained that my Prozac hadn't stopped working, I just wasn't taking enough of it. So I went from 10mg to 40mg per day. He also gave me Xanax to calm my startle reflex and help with the anxiety attacks.

Me likey the Xanax. Knowing my genetic predisposition to addiction, I questioned him very closely about how to tell if I'm becoming dependent. I'd really prefer not to find myself burgling various establishments or pawning Silas' sports equipment to finance my habit.

It's been 5 days now and the change is remarkable. The hopelessness has dissipated somewhat. I can find some modicum of joy in activities that I used to love.

I'm beginning to reconcile myself to the fact that I will take some form of medication for the rest of my life. I have a physical condition, depression, that requires medication. I have an emotional condition, the remainder of years of stress and anxiety and uncertainty, that requires medication. It's this medication that will let me have a "rest of my life".


the queen said...

Two people said things to me about medication that helped me:

1) You don't have to take it for the rest of your life - just until they find something better.

2) You don't have to take it. If it really wears on you, you can skip a day.

Vanessa said...

I am so glad things are starting to turn around and look at little brighter for you.

jen @ the cubicle's backporch said...

I'm so glad that things are looking better. And it's okay to need medication. Kids on the street pay big money for Xanax and you get it paid for by insurance! :) (Wait- is it an inappropriate time to make a comment like that? If so, I'm really sorry... but it's true!)

moo said...

PK was pissed to learn that for his acid refleux he would have to be on medication for the rest of his life. He occasionally tries to go off it and is miserable ... and every time he says, "well I guess I really DO need this."

People who are on insulin feel the same thing ... a betrayal of the body being incapable of caring for itself. If you can, try to reframe it into "this medicine is making me function normally." It's OK; it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm glad you got help.

Ree said...

Not everybody is so lucky as to have accepted themselves and what they need. I'm happy for you.

Immoral Matriarch said...

I need to do what you're doing. *sigh*

Madness said...

Hi! Nice to meet you! Thanks for stopping by the MadLands :) MaxX need not hide .. he has been relieved of his duties effective immediately.
In any event .. Madness likey Prozac and Xanax too. Madness isnt currently taking either, as she too has a habit of forming habits with pills that make her feel as if she is "One with the Road" if ya know what I mean.
Aces to you for accepting who you are and how things are.
Thanks for letting me know that I make you laugh .. I thought for so long that I was OH SO LAME.

Madness said...

Youve made my MadBlogRoll .. congrats!!
(Madness can be SO full of herself, no?)

Twisting Ivy said...

I'm glad that you went, and it's helping you feel better. It takes strength to ask for help! =)

Kate said...

Oh, I'm so glad that things are going well with this. I too, take medication for depression and I have alternately hated and craved it. And I'm finally just, meh - whatever. It is what it is. Today I take it because I like who I am. When I don't take it? I hate me. Why would I want to hate me if I didn't have to???

Anonymous said...

Hey, nice lady... I'm glad that you have something to help you with your challenge. I have a bit of that, too, but haven't had to take anything for it, yet. Have enough meds for a couple of other things. You're one of my favorites; hang in there. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Xanax Prescription Information said...

My name is Wendy Angus and i would like to show you my personal experience with Xanax.

I am 45 years old. Have been on Xanax for 2 years now. In working with a wonderful doctor and therapist, I have learned Meniere's Disease is an anxiety=provoked condition, and is the worst thing I have ever suffered in my life. To manage this, I take a low dose of Wellbutrin everyday and have a 1mg Rx for Xanax, which I am supposed to take 3x-a-day, but to be honest, I usually only take about 3-1mg a week, so only taking it when I honestly feel "too anxious". I also take Meclizine for the Meniere's attacks and those are only as needed as well. I feel the Xanax is better to have around than not, for my personal conditions. It took me a long time to balance out my meds, and taking too much xanax feels as horrible as the withdrawl can be, as I've experienced both. Now, after much time in getting to know what my body needs and how I am feeling (like with anxiety), and removing the 'stigma' of having to take a drug to manage my conditions is now over, taking just a few pills a week seems to work beautifully.

I have experienced some of these side effects -
It makes me very thirsty (dry mouth) but seems to work well in combination with other drugs for my conditions with no ill effects.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Wendy Angus